I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
