i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
