thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
