Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
