maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
