i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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