So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
