I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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