And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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