fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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