If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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