had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
