weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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