I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
