it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
