She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
