i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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