At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
