You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
