How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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