i was born a porn star she said
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
