So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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