I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
