a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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