Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize