First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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