dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
