Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
