He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
NoShamevember. You game?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
