I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
