Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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