If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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