once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
