this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
