Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
