I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
