tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
