He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You took a bar mat shot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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