if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize