i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
