It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
