question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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