the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
