dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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