i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
