dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
