i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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