did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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