i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
