Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
