He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
