My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
