Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
