Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
