I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
