No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
