So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
