I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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