I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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