I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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