my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
