Non-Jews are for practice
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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