I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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