I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
