So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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