everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
